Love Came Down

christmas lights

if i saw that star,
huge blazing mass
of fiery light falling
down from the dark of God’s deepest heart,
i might throw myself down to clutch the earth,
its safe and heavy mass of solid form like the body
of my mother when i ran and hid from scary men and
in my hands would be
the crumbling scent of leaf rotting away from summer’s
laughing fatness.
if i saw that light in a dead winter sky
i would not shout and sing glad hallelujahs
because i would simply be too stupid,
too scared, too much a blind animal
holding fast to my tiny life.

so imagine the shepherds, dozing on such a night,
sheep finally gathered together and huddled
safe in a clump of sheep scented warmth.
i don't think they turned to one another and murmured
Oh good it is the Angel of God come to tell us good news.
i don't think they said that. they needed to hear it first
from the angel herself,
after she had quieted their terror.

and so, i don't expect miracles even tho i crave them.
and in this season of hopeful lights twinkling against a darkness that might
have teeth,
i cozy up in what quilts of comfort i can find.
once inside, i imagine that fiery light,
and i listen for the angels. they speak so softly, like a mouse’s sigh.
usually i am dozing in darkness when they come, and i have forgotten all about listening, and i don't even know what it is i am hearing.
that is when a softness brushes my cheek, brushes my forehead,
and i am able again to love this dumb animal self of mine,

who even despite twinkling beacons of hope and ancient sacred messages,
even despite rare and simple human kindnesses,
is still blinded by terror and made breathless by despair,
still falls flat and helpless into familiar darkness,
trembling before love’s message
dressed in light and reaching down
to soften this heart of stone.